With The Rebirth of Us having a release date of September 21st, which is 17 days away, I need to be honest with both you readers as well as myself.
I'm struggling with writing this story. Badly.
When I first thought of the idea for this world, I was excited. I'd wanted Luther to be this big, bad, over-the-top, brutally violent anti-hero ready to unleash hell on those that wronged his family. I had no plans of this duet to end in an HEA so I wasn't worried about him being redeemable since I didn't have to get Sevyn to fall in love with him. And when I wrote The Destruction of Sevyn, that was exactly how he was portrayed and everything was going just as I'd planned for this world. When I'd originally planned the books as a duet, it wasn't supposed to end with a happily ever after. It was why I had Luther do all of those things in The Destruction of Sevyn because either he or Sevyn were going to die in The Sins of Luther and that would've been the end of that.
Well, we see that didn't happen.
After The Destruction of Sevyn came out, I was tangled up into a situation that sent me into a very deep depression to where I couldn't write anything. During that time, along with people practically harassing me about a release date for The Sins of Luther, people were still demanding the HEA so that "Sevyn's suffering didn't go in vain" or telling me how disappointed they'd be if there was no HEA when I hinted that there may not be one. The Vengeance of Luther DUET then turned into a trilogy because I had no idea how to wrap up a story with an HEA bow after everything he'd done in the first book.
So here we are at book 3 and I'm at a loss. I've tried to plot this book frontwards and backwards to try to figure out how to give it this pretty bow that people expect and I've got nothing. I can't think of anything that would prevent Sevyn from looking absolutely pathetic and weak or without Luther turning into a complete simp, which would be a drastic contrast from how he was presented in The Destruction of Sevyn. And while I'm being completely honest, I have to admit that I'm not liking the way this book is going. And if I'm putting everything out there?
I'm absolutely hating The Vengeance of Luther as a whole.
It's no longer what I envisioned it to be. This was supposed to be a pitch black, violent revenge story, not a pitch black enemies-to-lovers, second chance romance. I 100% blame myself for this because I should've stuck to my guns and stayed on track to how I intended to write this story instead of falling into reader pressure and just trying to please people. But now, I'm not pleased, and yet I'm the one that still has to write this story. When I started writing dark, I wrote it because I needed an outlet to unleash the negative things within myself so that it didn't manifest into self-destructive tendencies as it had in the past. I didn't intend to write dark romance. I don't even call myself a dark romance author; I'm a dark fiction author. But ever since I released Rules of Bennett, the name Ember Michaels is attached to dark romance regardless of what I put out, so I had to create a new pen name, Lilith Blackwell to be able to write book with dark romance elements that DON'T end in HEAs. Anyway, being the people pleaser I am, I let other people dictate my books just to keep people happy even if that wasn't what I really wanted to do. I gave Bennett an HEA even though I didn't necessarily want to. I'm now having to give Luther an HEA when I DEFINITELY don't want to. And because I've pretty much promised this now trilogy will end in an HEA, it's not something that I can go back on now.
Which leads me to a dilemma that I'm still weighing.
Right now, I'm hating everything I've written for The Rebirth of Us. I haven't even written a blurb for this book despite it being up for preorder for months. A part of me wants to just power through and just get the book over with, but I have too much pride in my world to half-ass a story for the sake of giving you guys an ending. You all deserve better than that, my characters deserve better than that, and I deserve better than that. I've never been in a situation where I hate something that I've created, so this is a bit baffling and confusing for me. But here's where I'm at right now. On one hand, a part of me wants cancel the preorder and put the project aside until I can find a way to become excited about it again.
But I also have a strong urge to just scrap the project completely and remove the other two books from retailers and being done with the world entirely.
These books aren't how I envisioned, almost to the point to where I dread working within this world. I know there are going to be people super disappointed about this, but my hands are tied at this point. I can't continue creating things I'm not happy with for the sake of making other people happy. With my calciphylaxis back and pretty active, I'm not in the mood to write any happily ever afters for no one, and I most definitely won't write a forced one.
I don't know what the future looks like for these books. I do know that the things I'm feeling right now aren't things that will resolve themselves in 17 days, so I'm pretty certain that The Rebirth of Us won't be releasing at the end of the month. And if I decide to cancel this release, this project will be shelved indefinitely until I (major emphasis on "I") decide I'm ready to deal with it. Whether or not that's something I want to do is up in the air. Who knows; I may take down The Sins of Luther and write it how I intended to in the first place: a duet with NO HEA. Or I'll just remove the books from retailers, swallow down the loss of time and hard work, and learn from the mistake of not trusting myself enough to write the way the characters tell me to and trusting that the right readers will find me instead of trying to please ALL readers by writing fuckery that isn't true to me or the characters I create.
So yeah. That's where I am with this book. There's a high chance that I'll be canceling this preorder in the next few days, as trying to tell this story is like pulling teeth that haven't even broke through the gums yet. I'm sure people will be upset. I'm sure they'll complain about how it takes me forever to put out books now, or how I can't be consistent with release dates, or how they have to wait "forever" for another book, or how they won't read anything else from me for "wasting their time." All of that is fine. But I think that it's past time for me to choose to make my characters happy, to make ME happy for once and putting out this book right now won't achieve that. So, before I wrap this up, I want to make one thing clear so that we're all on the same page:
ONCE I CANCEL THE PREORDER FOR THE REBIRTH OF US, THERE WILL NOT BE ANOTHER RELEASE DATE ANNOUNCED ANYTIME SOON. THE PROJECT WILL BE SHELVED INDEFINITELY UNTIL I FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THIS WORLD, WHETHER THAT MEANS TO FORCE THE HEA AT A LATER DATE OR TAKING THE BOOKS DOWN AND REWRITING THEM TO NOT INCLUDE AN HEAD.
Okay? Okay. I think that's all for now. I hope you guys can understand where I'm coming from with this. I'm sure it's disappointing for those who were anxiously awaiting this book, but as the creator, I can't give you a good story if I'm not happy. It's not fair to you to pay money for a mediocre story and it's not fair to me to work on something that I no longer love at the moment. Let's hope—for the sake of you, my characters, and all the time I invested into this world—that I can find a solution that will keep Luther and Sevyn alive, as I actually really like them. I guess we'll see how things work out in the future for them but for now, I think I'm going to put them to rest for a little while.
Until next time,